Quest For Cock

That Time we Got Raped

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Holy fuck, this is gonna be a crazy ass write up. To those who didn’t play: count your blessings for most of you would have died.
Only suckers work 9-5: After immolating a church in an attempt to purge EVIL, our debt is sold to a Lord Gustavo Fappingshire. Luckily, he’s not a total asshole and so the group spends some time working various jobs and make new friends along the way. Or some shit like that.
A favor to the family: Fappingshire decides to have us start working some of that debt off via a mission in some Eastern European themed section of the world by investigating the deaths of workers in a stonemill of sorts and searching for evil books (because 4 games of evil books on a monkey island wasn’t bad enough).
Inspector Gadget or Inspector Cluseau?: The party sans Blin (Jordan), Norrin (Zach) or any of the shitty expanded universe characters arrive in the town of something I forget and are told of awful horrible murders. We go off and attempt to investigate for like, clues and shit.
Sweet Home: our “leads” takes us to a dilapidated house where bad shit has gone down. The house has a gaping crater full of mold in the middle of it. Hey, wait a minute… WE HAVE A MOLDSPEAKER! Well, we did, but Zallen (Sandy as a fusion of his last two characters) has massive internet issues and is unable to continue play. Matt flips on the auto pilot switch for him. No mold speaking for us sadly.
Hmmmmmm…Right?: At the bottom of this awful pit of mold wait three small creatures carrying knives and wearing big coats to conceal all the dank they smoked four minutes ago. Is this where you’ve been DJ? Rapeman (played by Bob J Stork) tosses one of the little bastards while the group finishes off the other two. Bob goes in for a rather graphic kill by ripping off one of DJ’s dicks. This blatant display of awesome backfires as the little fucker explodes like a poorly packed joint, leaving Rapeman kinda blind and Zallen totally blind.
The people under the stairs: We leave Zallen behind with Kowl’s (Nathan) falcon while we continue on further into what apparently is a secret cavern devoted to Satan. The group comes across a Ghoul carrying a mysterious book. COULD IT BE? In probably the only smart move of the entire adventure, Kowl manages to convince the monster in question to sell us the book for 50 bucks.
Candle in the wind: The group continues exploring the sewers of Satan and are forced single file down a tunnel. Near the end is a fake magical door. From behind, the group is assaulted by a chaos demon, a swarming mass of sheer terror. Grumblepuff the bear is unfortunately bringing up the rear of the group and pathetically tries to fight back against the horrific monster before it turns the poor beast into a puddle. Rest in peace bear friend, rest in peace.
Elder God Dance Party Massacre: We flee from the chaos beast into the magical room only to discover we’ve lept out of the frying pan and into the fire. Awaiting us in that room is a gigantic transdimentional monster comprised of claws and tentacles. The Spawn of Yog-Sothoth trounces poor short lived noble Rapeman who sacrificed his life singing death metal to the beast as a distraction. Ranx (Max) almost joins his fellow gravekin, but manages to survive long enough for Kowl to place the demonic book of bad stuff on an altar in the room and sealing the demon horror away.
Bad Ending Aftermath: The group backtracks through the death cavern to find an escape path through a mostly abandoned asylum. The house we were investigating has collapsed down and probably killed Zallen again, meaning Sandy has died 4 times, with two characters dying twice and both at the same time on the second death.
Deathcount:
Cody: 0
Max: 0
Kowl: 0
Zach: 0
Jordan: 2
Sandy: 5 (pending fb session with Matt and Sandy)
Bob: 1
Grumblepuff: 1… RIP Buddy, you will be missed.

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