Quest For Cock

Recap 2

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Time for the post game wrap up show with your host, Lord Fappingshire of the Gilded Shaft Estates.
A brother reborn: Jordan rejoins the game as a seedy human pirate, but fails to answer the black dwarf’s question of what he really is. He is confronted by the horrible truth that all white people really do look alike.
Zach, WTF: Zach decides to engage in a team building exercise with Sandy Swiftwind and attend a get off the fucking boat workshop. Zach unfortunately decides to leave Sandy in the hands of two unsavory characters that hadn’t taken the Sexual Harassment Training course yet. This counts as work avoidance and goes in Zach’s permanent record.
Policy Violation pt 1: Sandy is seemingly assisted out of his dire predicament by Zach, only to instead get his asshole stuffed with pirate meat like a turducken. Sandy is only slightly miffed by the 4 damage his asshole incurs, which is roughly a 3rd of his total health. No safeword is ever discussed prior to the sex.
Are you not entertained?: Max finally makes his debut in the only way possible for Max to do so: grabbing another man’s dick in a violent fight to the death on a slave ship, troma style.
My name is Tibbs: Mr. Tibbs is the only character out of the whole group that’s said his name. Just sayin’ boys.
The Beastmaster: Tibbs works out a shady record deal with Randy “Sharkman” Rhodes in exchange for sweet, sweet flesh. His debut album “Meat treats at midnight” fails to go triple platinum and he dies at the hands of the most inept sorceress ever. Seriously, get fucked Sandra.
The Beast is Unleashed: while it’s not quite evo moment #28, Scourge does manage to daigo parry Zach’s meager sword swing and deliver madness and death unto Zach. Did I mention he does this while in the form of a giant black panther monster? THAT GETS ITS FUCKING ARM CUT OFF? THAT TURNS INTO A GODDAMN TENTACLE OF DEATH?
The Unslinger: Zach is a gunslinger, aka one who slings guns. Guess what Zach can’t do currently?
Take a look at me now: Despite several hints and nudges, the cocketeers decide to engage a gigantic black panther monster on loan from Ridley Scott that manages to nearly kill both Zach and Max. It totally outclasses us in all aspects. We should be dead.
But…

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS INSTEAD? WE ROLL SIX DEEP ON THAT MUTHAFUCKA AND PUT 2 IN IT’S HEAD AND A BUNCH IN ITS CHEST. WE CUT IT’S ARM OFF MUTHAFUCKA AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK. IT TURNS INTO A TENTACLE AND WE STILL DON’T GIVE A FUCK MUTHAFUCKA THATS RIGHT GET FUCKED YOU FUCKING PANTHER PUSSY BITCH MUTHAFUCKA, RIDE OR DIE WITH THIS RUFF RIDER CREW NIGGA WE OUCHEYA!
Deathcount:
Cody: 0
Jordan: 1
Sandy: 0
Max: 0
Zach: 0
I think everyone will agree this game was a lot more eventful. Chyea.

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