Quest For Cock

Derplomacy Pt : FUCKING BARDS

Bards.jpg

Post game wrap-up: no elevator tapes edition. Last we left off the group sans Blin (Jordan) and Grumblepuff (MVP combat bear) were causing a ruckus in Katapesh.
Stealth mode activated: turns out surviving an impromptu barfight isn’t such a good idea. While we were victorious, the local authorities are now searching for us. Oh well, it’s not satanic monkeys.
Derplomacy pt1.: Tibbs (Cody) and Ranx (Max) go back to the boat to retrieve Blin and GP. Tibbs catches Blin up on current events and sees if Blin can smooth talk a way for the group to have a bear wander the streets with them. Blin’s idea of diplomacy involves threats, insults and squabbling. GP is left at the docks.
Barbershop: Blin and co. then head off to search for Jaffa since he’s apparently the hottest shit in town when it comes to damn well everything. The group heads to Tilia’s bathhouse, where Ranx stays outside and gets made fun of while Tibbs and Blin hit the showers. Blin attempts to chat up a dragonkin in infernal, but unfortunately doesn’t speak the language of love and makes virtually no progress with him. Blin does get a swag fade cut from Tilia and a small bit of information, but it’s about as much information as he got from the dragon. Tilia’s level of sass is much lower than the employees promised. Damn Gina, where yo fire at gurl?
Where everybody knows your name: Allen (Sandy) and Norin (Zach) head to Jericle’s Bar in search of Jaffa. There they befriend a dwarf named Vec Trollbane. Zach loses about ten minutes of IRL time reliving every Bane meme and video he’s watched in the last year and a half. Vec also sounds Cheech Marin for some reason. Vec and Tibbs immediately bond over the rumors of a black dwarf stomping the shit of that cowardly bitch beardless dwarf. Vec also points Jaffa to the group and he is not happy about it.
DEEP SECRETS: Various members of the group talk with Jaffa and pay him for info about stuff. Yep. After Norin learns of a way to fix up his busted stump, He informs the group he’s heading into the city. The rest of the group is like, okay whatever dawg.
Dwarves got to look out for each other: Tibbs decides to hit up Vec for a way into the city that doesn’t involve a direct method and Vec offers to help him and the bear into the city. Dwarven brotherhood represent!
The Thing: the group has four days to kill whilst waiting for Vec to prep the trip. Tibbs and Ranx go mine, Blin sings aka begs and Norin/Allen form team brotein once again to investigate the cult of evil stupid women. Shit takes an odd turn when Allen attempts to deliver chivelry into some single mother’s heart and she grows a sweet C cup on her back that starts lactacting acidic purple drink. People melt and the remaining single mothers decide to jaw rock Allen. The two are treated to a series of horrifying mutations and barely escape a dirty, filthy death.
Derplomacy pt2. Upon reuniting, the group trades work day stories. During the course of the conversation, Blin decides it’s a perfectly good idea to bring up a discussion Tibbs had with Jaffa regarding an evil stone and Allen stops keeping calm, demanding to take the stone by force. Blin further demonstrates his sweet negotiating skills by stealing the stone from Tibbs mid transfer of hands, which was going to go to Blin anyways as a neutral sign of good faith. Yep. Allen then prepares to dice up Blin before calmer heads prevail and the stone ends up in Allen’s possession. There seems to be a theme here regarding Jordan and being utter shit at character interactions in game.
Avengers Disassembled: Norin has gone missing. Nobody cares. Moving on.
Tourist Trap: The group arrives in the city long enough to buy some BITCHING SCORPION ARMOR and discover that what they really want/need to do involves looking for Almah, some girl that can tell them about the stone and get the bear street legal. Oh yeah, also clear up that whole problem with being wanted by the law.
Derplomacy pt3: Allen’s lack of calm is on full display as he brazenly talks with Almah and fucks up the whole interaction. Way to pull a Blin there dawg. Tibbs manages to save the trip a little by offering the group’s services in killing Gnolls so that we can get back on Almah’s good side. It’s also a paying job and a decent paying job too.
Trophy Time!
Helen Keller School of Public Speaking award goes to Blin for being quite possibly the worst diplomat ever.
Daniel Day Lewis lifetime achievement award goes to Sandy Swiftwind for once again being the most in character during the session.
Short Circuit award goes to our terribly unimpressive tech setup that almost cost us an hour of actual gametime due to pauses and interruptions.
A decent session, but it went a little long for a game that had little or no action outside of bitches melting and shit. The next game will guarantee two things: lots of BATTOL and no Zach, both pluses in my eyes. See you then.

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